Bereavement by suicide

Every type of grief has the potential to cause intense and complex feelings, but research shows that people bereaved by suicide can have a particularly complex set of feelings and can experience additional struggles and dilemmas in trying to resolve their grief.

Feelings we might experience when we lose someone to suicide include intense sadness, shock, anger, frustration, confusion, and isolation.

Some people also talk about experiencing a sense of shame or guilt, and while this is a very common reaction it is important to remember that people who die by suicide are often trying to stop feelings of distress that can feel as intense and real as physical pain. The reasons for suicide are complex and you are not to blame.

Research suggests that people bereaved by the sudden death of a friend or family member are 65% more likely to attempt suicide if the deceased died by suicide.

Studies show that people who had known someone who died by suicide in the last year were 1.6 times more likely to have suicidal thoughts, 2.9 times more likely to have a plan for suicide, and 3.7 times more likely to have made a suicide attempt themselves.

Not everyone who losses someone to suicide will be at risk but being aware of how suicide loss can contribute to suicide risk, can help

Grief and trauma - The sudden and nature of suicide can lead to intense grief and trauma. We may feel overwhelmed by unanswered questions and unresolved feelings of misplaced guilt.

Guilt - People often blame themselves, thinking they could have prevented the suicide. This self-blame can lead to depression and feelings of hopelessness.

Complicated grief - Suicide loss may result in a prolonged and difficult grieving process, which increases psychological vulnerability.

Familial or genetic links - Suicide can cluster in families due to shared genetic predispositions to mental health conditions, such as depression or bipolar disorder.

Environmental stressors - The same external factors, such as financial stress, substance abuse, or interpersonal problems, may affect both the person who died and the survivor.

Social isolation - Survivors of suicide loss often feel isolated because of stigma. This lack of support can worsen feelings of hopelessness.

Fear of judgement - They may avoid seeking help due to fear of being judged or misunderstood, increasing their risk of mental health deterioration.

Anniversaries or reminders - Birthdays, holidays, or other reminders of the loss can trigger acute emotional responses.

Secondary losses - Survivors might experience additional losses, such as relationships strained by the grief or a change in financial status, further compounding stress.

If you’re worried about someone who has experienced suicide loss, your care and support can make a difference.

Keep an eye out for warning signs - Signs to look out for include:

  • Emotional changes: Increased sadness, guilt, or hopelessness.
  • Behavioural changes: Withdrawal from social activities, difficulty functioning, or engaging in risky behaviours.
  • Verbal cues: Talking about feeling like a burden, hopelessness, or wanting to be with the deceased.
  • Physical signs: Changes in eating, sleeping, or energy levels.

Check in with them regularly - Their grief may not lessen quickly, and consistent support can show you care.

Encourage healthy habits - Suggest activities such as exercise, eating well, and maintaining a routine.

Suggest peer support and counselling - Support groups for survivors of suicide loss can help mitigate the risk by providing a safe space for sharing and healing.

Recommend professional help - Therapy, particularly approaches like cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) or trauma-focused therapy, can help someone process their grief and reduce suicidal ideation.

Open conversations - Talking openly about the loss, addressing feelings of guilt, and spreading awareness about mental health resources can reduce stigma and foster resilience.

The Support after Suicide Partnership developed the Finding the Words booklet which shares some great insight and advice for how you can support someone who has been bereaved and affected by suicide.

Compassionate support can provide a lifeline during someone’s time of need. Even small gestures, such as checking in regularly, can help someone feel less alone.

Find information about support and resources around bereavement in our support directory.